Apologies for the lag in postings—I actually got away last week for a much needed mini-vacation with my family. It’s so important to remind ourselves that the world doesn’t stop when we exit for a moment or two to gather ourselves back together.
I was back for one hectic day and then… there was Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day. I had talked about it weeks ago with my 6-year old, C.C., and she was excited about it. The university’s program is for kids 8 and up, so I realized I’d have to keep her occupied all day myself. When I first planned to bring her, I thought it would be good for her to see me at work, to understand better the place that has me leaving the house early so many mornings and has me returning home late so many nights. My original intention was to keep the day largely clear from meetings, but somehow I allowed one thing and then another to get put on my calendar, and next thing I knew I was pretty scheduled from 8:30 in the morning until 5:30 in the evening. “Perhaps I shouldn’t bring her,” I thought the day before as I analyzed the calendar and wondered how she would weather the day. “She’s probably forgotten by now….” I don’t know if she remembered or not, but I decided to bring her anyway, with an agreement from my husband to take her to lunch while I met with some board members.
It was the right decision. First off, she was so happy to be with me. We brought plenty of things for her to do and, for the most part, those I met with welcomed her with warmth and enthusiasm. As we walked into one meeting that had been scheduled the day before, and I realized that it included several senior university administrators, I wondered how it would go. It was late afternoon and it had already been a long day. But she was a trooper—she made a necklace and drew pictures sitting next to me at the large table. And when she got bored, she just got down on the floor and played with her toy farm animals. Afterwards, she declared, “I like your work, Mama, but that meeting was pretty boring.”
It seems that we are particularly adept in this country at separating work and family, and that work occupies an increasingly greater amount of parents’ time. A few weeks ago, I clipped a great photo from the New York Times. The caption read: “Two Votes for Denmark: Hanne Dahl, with her baby, voted Thursday at a session of the European Parliament in Strasbourg, France.” The photo shows Dahl sitting at a table with other legislators, and with both piles of official papers and her baby on the table in front of her. I am also thinking about a guest lecture I did at Columbia in the fall shortly after becoming dean of Milano. It was a course on women and leadership, and several of the women in the class wanted to talk to me about how to balance work and family. It’s difficult, even in a relatively forgiving field like academia. There is no magic balance—some who study these issues have taken to calling it “work life blend” rather than “work life balance,” in tacit recognition that balance is elusive at best.
I know many of you have children and are also workers and students. How do you navigate these waters?
I leave you with a link to an audio clip from a radio piece my good friend Anne Stuhldreher wrote for public radio—it was broadcast this past fall.